God's the teacher...I am the third grader.

And here I thought, "Whose smarter than a fifth grader," was a bogus television show. I realize now that most of us aren't! 

Today was much better than yesterday. I found my ability to teach an effective lesson, yesterday, plagued by bad behavior and a lack of interest. I guess I still need to learn not to beat myself up over the fact that some days will just out right suck. 

I am tired of my students walking all over me, behavior wise. So, this morning I laid down the law...Or at least I thought so. I think the most memorable moment was when my students were talking, and did not listen to my directions, so many got a consequence. Their faces were priceless, I don't think they ever thought I'd do that. And I did...It was not what I wanted to do, but it was the only way I knew we would get through the lesson. 

I prep myself for Wednesdays every week. Mostly because it's the night when I have 3 lesson plans due the next day. Actually, this time...I have 9 due tomorrow. Mostly because I have one less person in my group, which means for this coming week I double up on work. And if that is not challenging enough, it is one of the hardest lessons, in my opinion. I am teaching my children how to make inferences about a text. If you know what an inference is, raise your hand. I didn't know until 20 minutes ago, at least I did not know how to explain it. And by the end of next week I will be a pro at it!

I see my skills improving. But just as I feel somewhat decent I find some new skill or ability that is completely under developed. And through those moments I stay humble and focused on God's hand instead of my own. 

This experience has given me so much insight into my relationship with Christ. He is my teacher, and I am the talkative third grader who doesn't seem to find what He is telling me important; at least not most of the time. 

I look at my children, and see how I need to lay down the law sometimes. It is not because I want to be in control, but sometimes I need to redirect the class when they get off course. Because, if they fall off track then nothing productive can get done. I see the same with God. When he reprimands us, it is not because he wants to exert control. Rather, it is because he so passionately wants to see us succeed in His perfect plan. And our eyes grow big, our jaws drop and we never conceive Him ever doing such harsh things. Really though, they are acts of love and service to our own well-being. God stands firm because He loves me. Just the same, I stand firm with my children because I love them. I want them to succeed, follow their dreams. But they can't do that if they are always talking and not engaged. 

I see God in all 15 of my third graders. I see their hearts so ready to grasp onto his truth, and I am eager to share that wonder with them! 

I think the most difficult feeling is that of helplessness. Walking into that class every morning and feeling helpless to those kids. Not being able to teach the material they understand, or not getting them excited about it. 

I remember something I was once told, we as humans can only plant seeds, God has to do the rest. 

I realize in the grand scheme of this I do so little, while God takes care of most of it. I realize that all I can do is plant seeds of passion in my children's hearts that then God will nurture with their journeys after me. 

I am still struggling with not being perfect at this teaching stuff. But through the faults I find humility. 

Prayers:

For my lesson plans this evening. 

This weekend. That I can rest and be re-energized for the coming week.

That I keep looking for God in all places of this experience.