Feeling God's Presence.

If there has been a day in my life where I really felt God's presence that was today. I went to bed at around 1AM this morning, which allowed me to get almost 5 hours of sleep. By the grace of God I functioned a lot better than I would normally on that much sleep. After hearing the stories of other people, I realize I was very blessed to get that much sleep. 

God has been at work all day in me. I can't say I have walked around with a great attitude and energized, but definitely aware of God's presence in all of this. 

When I got to school we had to hurry to our classrooms and do any last minute things. I hurried down to the cafeteria where I would then pick up my students. I realize that every year kids seem to get smaller and smaller. I remember when I thought third graders were so big, now they are just little babies to me. I tried really hard to get one of my students to open up and talk, but she just looked at me like I was crazy, which most of the time I am. 

God really blessed me with this class! I was nervous that the kids would misbehave on our way up to the room but they were very good! They were able to walk up the stairs without a teacher! That is impressive for third graders. Our teacher advisor is very good at what she does, and that has helped us out a lot! 

Our first task was to explain to the kids all the classroom rules and procedures. Since only one person had to do that, I was in charge of catching us up on diagnostics. That helped to ease my nerves a little as I was able to watch others teach and get a feel for what I would soon be doing. 

The hour before I taught was the shortest moment I had ever experienced. As I walked to the class my hands began to sweat, my heart started to race and I had to remind myself that God was in control, not me. I kept reminding myself that I just had to go in there and do my best, and that I would not be perfect. I had to be okay with that. I don't know if I will ever be, but I am working on it.

So today I talked about brainstorming for our personal narrative. I began by telling them what a personal narrative was. They seemed to get it, but I realize third grades need repetition. One day of telling them is not going to cut it. We need to work on it for days until they really get the hang of it. That is why they learn procedures so quickly, because they do them so often. 

I was terrified. So many different thoughts were rushing through my head and I had to keep reminding myself that God was in control. I had to keep pep-talking myself through the lesson. 

I wouldn't say it went as well as I wanted it to, but I got through it. That's a start! And I feel that I am slowly becoming more comfortable. I think that the more I know my students and build a presence in the classroom, the more God will shine through me. 

I was mentally and emotionally drained after that experience. However, God was good and gave me the energy to complete my two lesson plans that are due tomorrow. That helped me to alleviate the work load for this evening. I might get to go to bed a lot earlier tonight! 

I think the hardest part about today was teaching. Not because of my role, but because for the first time I saw the truth about this whole achievement gap. My students had to complete graphical organizers that had them brainstorming ideas.  Many of my students did not know how to spell HAPPY or BEACH. One of my students is so far below grade level that she cannot even write words. I look at this and ask myself, how am I going to be able to help these children? How will I be able to help this girl write a sentence by the end of the summer, much less a whole story! 

I keep grounded in the fact that God is greater than these impossible things and He will complete His perfect plan. But I get overwhelmed at this BIG task in front of me. I also realize how much I took my own education for granted. How much I did not appreciate the fact that I can read and write.

It is so weird, because I see my 13 year old girls at grace so highly educated for their age. And then I see these third graders who cannot even write down words. I don't quite know how this makes me feel yet, but I feel it all processing in my heart, and I know God will reveal it soon enough.

I am going to head off and eat dinner and then do some work before I head to bed. 

Things you can pray about for me are:

that I get enough rest this next week

that I let go and let God when I am in the classroom

that I can engage the students and teach effectively

that I look at all the places God is working in my life. 

Thanks guys, I really appreciate it!