Friday, September 19, 2008

violent understandings.

The fourth graders of Waverly Elementary have been struggling with violence lately. Having a nine-year-old nephew who knows nothing about what violence means, I am amazed at the reality of these children I teach. Their first instinct is to fight. In their world it builds power and dominance. For my nine-year-old children fighting is the life they know.

I have had to break up fights everyday this week. To be honest when I walked into school I thought for a moment that my children's lives were much better. I figured that since they came to school everyday the disparities I heard about in the city were just a figment of my imagination. I know a part of me wanted to hope that if I didn't address them then they weren't real. But now, as I see these kids so ready to fight and be contributors to a violent world, I am saddened.

I had an incident with a girl in one of my classes. As I entered the room on Wednesday she was ready to fight a boy who had done something she didn't like. She tried various other times that day to fight other boy students in the class. I was irritated and amazed at her desire to punch someone. I did not understand why she was being such a jerk, to say the least. At one point, she got in my face when I told her she needed to do her work. I know none of my children are bad kids. They aren't, period..and I know she is not, but I didn't understand this anger. I didn't understand this desire to punch someone's lights out. It didn't make sense to me.

Yesterday I spoke with her mom in person. Her mom apologized for her daughter's behavior towards me and the class. I looked at my student who was sincerely sorry for her actions, but I still did not understand why. What was going through her head? The mom then said, "She should know better, she has seen what domestic violence does in the home, she should know better."

My heart broke. My eyes began to tear up. My student wasn't fighting because she wanted some power trip or respect. She was fighting to stay alive, because that is all she ever knew. She has seen men beat up on her mother, she has seen the sadness of fighting. And the only thing she knows to do when that happens is to fight back.

My heart broke for my student. Realizing that some people's act of violence is not because they want to gain respect or power, but just because for them that means surviving. My children's parents tell them "tell two times." That means if someone provokes them they ask them to stop twice. If after then they haven't stopped then violence is what they use to solve the problem.

My children aren't bad, and I keep saying that because so often people write off inner city kids as these barbarians. I have never felt so attached to a group of children before. I have never felt so in love with the idea of showing someone what they are made of. I have never had so much passion for a human being before, like these children.

I told my kids yesterday, "you are better than a fight! you are better than a punch!" And they heard me....But on the streets and in the homes those punches and fights are who they are. It is the way to survive and win the streets. It is a part of the culture they were bred and born into.

And in my heart I ask, "why does it have to be this way?" Why does Baltimore City have to be this way? Why do students have to suffer these disparities? Why do my kids have to live like this? Consumed in violence, disfunction and sadness.

God's plan overwhelms me. I am reminded that as long as I let Him work through me these kids will receive something great this year; Not because of me, but because of Him.

I believe in every child in my classroom. I believe that Noah is one of the most brilliant kids I have met. Or that Kadiv is going to be amazing things in this world. They are only fourth graders now but I see them as adults, showing this world what God is made of through their amazing-ness. I see their futures as bright and beautiful as they want to make them. This is classroom 220. The small, cramped oasis that harbors 25 brilliant children. Ready to take this world by the horns and show it what they are made of...A whole lot of God-given talents....that's what...not violence.

2 comments:

Lauren M said...

It's good you have such an upbeat attitude, though I know there are ups and downs. It's one thing to tell them they are better than a punch (and it can't hurt), but for a mother to say "she should know better" is ignorant. The child knows what she witnessed. She doesn't have the power to use logic and say, I don't want to be that way because it was a hurtful way to be. She is wired to be violent because of what she saw so young. It can take years and years to get that out of a child's system. Sometimes children can have post-traumatic stress syndrome from witnessing violence at a young age or having violence acted against them. Rather than reporting directly to the parents, have you reported to the school councelor? He/she could talk to a child or hear of their history from you and other teachers and get that child help. It might be just meeting with the school councelor or it could mean meeting with a social work counselor and having the family involved as well. The amount of kids who need help and don't get it young enough is disturbing and only makes high school that much worse for everyone.

Lauren M said...

Also, are you using your actual school's name and/or the student's names?