cracked glasses.

I never realized the magnitude of God in me being a teacher. Where I was a year ago compared to the life I live now is starkly different in comparison. I would be lying if I said I was on the same page as God when I started this Teach for America thing, I was as far away as I could possibly be. The beautiful part about all of this is seeing how right God was and how wrong I would have been. I realized even more recently that God's plan for me IS the best one, and HE really does have my best interest in mind. And while we are in the midst of living life, we don't see that so clearly. I have never felt so much love by someone before, because I've never had someone be completely selfless when it came to making decisions about my well-being.

When I first started the process of Teach for America I wanted to be a high school teacher. I wanted to teach secondary History and was convinced that I would end up there. I hated the idea of teaching elementary school kids mostly because they wouldn't understand me. Needless to say, I was assigned to elementary education. God went off-sides, and made a move completely off what we had rehearsed in the play books, at least in mine...

Then, as the reality of being an elementary school teacher began to sink in I realized that my new calling was only fifth grade. This became the new decision that I had made for God's plan for my life. Fifth grade was close enough to being in middle school and working with older kids. I had been doing youth ministry for middle schoolers for two years and was sure God wanted me to stick as close to that age-group as possible.

For the entire summer I prepped, prepared and got ready to be the most greatest fifth grade teacher there ever was. Then, two weeks before going into the classroom I got my cute little fourth grade classroom. God threw another low blow. I had finally become okay with being a fifth grade teacher and now he was turning the cards on me again. My entire world fell apart, I felt punked by my own God.

I didn't understand how our plan could have gone from secondary to fourth grade so quickly. These kids wouldn't connect with me, this would be a complete disaster, I wouldn't know the first thing at being a fourth grade teacher. This was absolutely absurd.

God never let go of his plan for me, even when I tried to wedge my own in there somehow. I had convinced myself that what I thought was in fact God's desire for my life was merely my own. And while I threw away any reasoning or faith needed to get on His bandwagon I just continued to try to reel him onto my little junky radio flyer. But I soon realized, with my fourth graders as an inspiration, how right he had been and how blind I was all that time.

I could not have handled high school and God knew that. I hear the horror stories of teachers getting punched, yelled at and students so far lost that only God could seep into their shattered worlds. I see the big difference between a fifth grader and fourth one. I see the challenge God had for me right in this very place I call home and fate now. I would have loved teaching secondary history much more than I do elementary, but God needed me to be apart of the 26 lives I teach now. And I could have only done that as a fourth grade teacher.

I am not crazy about what I am doing sometimes, but I am crazy about my God and His plan for my life.

God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called. So if tomorrow His plan for me was digging ditches for His glory he'd hand me a shovel, some boots and a bucket. And I will one day realize how when the picture doesn't turn out quite right it's because I was wearing a pair of cracked glasses.