I was struggling with a vomit mouth for the first three weeks as a teacher. You know, when all that comes from your lips is negativity. I was only talking about all the bad things. I made life as a teacher seem, well....like hell...I hit rock bottom last Tuesday. I felt so overwhelmed, so at a loss for understanding how any of this was worthwhile or even working for my life. I felt like a failure, a complete and utter disgrace to this world. As I went home that night I realized what my problem had been all that time...I wasn't handing the reigns to God.
Wednesday was a transformation. I went to school that morning with a prayer journal in one hand and the desire to not let Satan's vomit come out of my mouth. I needed to trust that God was doing His work in my life and this profession. Thursday was a little better than Wednesday and so forth.
I finally began to see children and not behavioral issues. I began to see dreams and not disappointment. I saw how God answered my prayers and so quickly changed the attitude I had let get so far away from His glory.
I have come to realize how blessed God has made me in this situation. I hear about the horror stories of other teachers in Baltimore City and I can see how much God is apart of my classroom and the things that are happening.
The most amazing thing in this world is feeling and seeing Gods presence in a moment that feels for dark. That Wednesday morning I felt God's peace fill my heart, and I knew that this was all going to be okay...as soon as I handed it over to Him.
I can't change the world if I don't see it through God's eyes. I can't change the lives of these children if I don't believe in the goodness in their hearts. I just can't.
I want to make a difference. And I will...with this new attitude and heart I finally have accepted from God.
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